yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
