Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
