maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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