i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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