I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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