i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
