two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
