I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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