hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
