So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
