I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
