We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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