I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
