Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
