just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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