i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
