ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
