My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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