I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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