i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
