Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
