New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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