note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
