I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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