I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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