i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I see more hoeing in ur future
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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