I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
