A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
