i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
