how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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