What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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