I think i peed on brittanys purse
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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