every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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