He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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