I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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