She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
