you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
