Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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