I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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