real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize