Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
