i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
