I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
