is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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