Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
