Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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