I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
These tits shall not be calmed
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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