I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
