Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
