Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
