I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
