If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
