'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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