are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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